Archive for the ‘Life and Stuff and You know…’ Category

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I found this and thought it to be quite amazing. It should be a universal warning card given out by writers; professional, ameture, poet, novelist, children’s book author etc. A wronged writer is a wronged writer and the above statement is true…we do get our revenge in print, and I am a firm believer that print is forever (this includes publishing on the internet;especially). If you are an antagonist in real life, eventually you make to the page as one. Then you are at the mercy of the author for the duration of the passage.  So make sure it’s not an author that you have personally have pissed off in on way or another. This may not mean much, but it symbolizes a moment where something about your character changed and became a negative factor in the authors life and now that flaw and that moment live for eternity in ink…permante marker…even if no one knows you; they do. So you’ve been warned. Be weary of writers…our revenge is printable…

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She hadn’t seen him in forever
She was shocked to see he hadn’t changed
Not a bit
He smiled at her beautiful face
She had changed so much
But not too much
Hands on her waist
Arms around his neck
Entangled
No one else around
Just us
In love
She hadn’t seen him in forever
She was overjoyed that he felt the same
Nothing changed
He smiled at her beautiful face
She was just as amazing
Exactly the same

So here I sit staring success in the face. I mean literally staring at it, all I gotta do is put the words on paper. Here’s my dilemma, I can’t get to the words. I can’t seem to put a decent sentence together. The subject seemingly simple. The focus pretty easy. Yet my overly complicated behind freezes every time I look at the page. Oh, and when I do manage to get something down that sounds coherent…something happens. Today’s excuse (and I shouldn’t even have one) I’m too damn depressed to function. Just as things start to get better in one area of life;something else falls apart or needs my undivided attention. Like I’m writing here, but my article which I’ve been staring at for hours…nothing. But when I close up, shut down, and leave it alone; all these ideas, words, phrases and what not spring up. Myself plus this mental illness equals disaster for any career I choose to take up. This scares me because I’ll be starting school in the spring. I can’t afford another failed attempt at school. No I can not do it. My med were working fine and my over all health was decent. Nothing to trouble some, but low and behold my body is falling apart from the inside out. Then I decide it’s time be coo-coo. Jesus please help me!!!!! I really don’t want to fail. I’m actually doing as I’m told. Doing the right things for the most part. I’ve literally stopped living my old life and picked up this new boring one; just so I can focus on my health and school.

I’ve never wanted something so bad in my life as I want this right now. A chance to write for a legit magazine. A chance to go to school and actually finish. Why must everything fall apart now. Maybe I’m tripping and this is a test, but as low as I’m feeling right now…I already failed. I’m trying to give myself some credit and I’m sure this article will get done tonight (even if I have to stay up all night), but I need just a little encouragement. Not much just a pat on the back, a simple whisper in the ear “you’re close”, something. But what do I know other than this looks terrible?

Our Bedroom After War.

I am writing this and praying I don’t have a nervous break down at the same time. My nerves are shot and the night is still young. I’m babysitting a 5 year old and 7 year old. Good ages right? Wrong their insane with pent up energy and my place is not equipped to handle them. My bestie wanted to have date night with her beau and I needed some quick cash. Why not I said plus I get the cash upfront, right? Well I must say I could’ve made it without the money. Now don’t get me wrong I love these kids like they’re my own and have been taking care of them since they were babies, but I just don’t have the same patience. When I was living here at my mom’s; I was constantly surrounded by kids. I loved hanging out with them. I was known as the “babysitter” to everyone in the neighborhood.

Then I moved into my own place and got used to the quiet. Got used to just feeding myself. Not having to run orders to “get down”, “sit down”, “leave it alone”. I don’t have to raise my voice or anything. So when I do watch the kids now… I literally have to keep from pulling my hair out. I’m not used to the loudness anymore and I think that’s my main problem. Then the running in the house or my little apartment; and I live with a majority of elderly people. When they were younger they were so well behaved; I didn’t mind running them around with me. Staying the night, but now they got to go home. I ask what time exactly their mom is coming back and have them ready, if I haven’t put them to bed. So, now I’m about ready to put their tails to bed like it’s a school night.

I can barely get through this post because I’m disciplining the kids now. I been trying to write this for two hours already. I mean sheesh! I’m so frazzled and ready to go to bed already. I’m usually getting ready for bed by now. In the next hour I’ll take my medicine but there won’t be a bedtime for me. Nope I’ll be waiting for the kids to go home. Why oh why did I agree to do this. I love my babies dearly but I just don’t have the patience. These kids aren’t terrible and are super loving they just don’t have anything to do here, because the oldest child here is 14. I mean come on and they didn’t bring stuff to do, which I always say bring. Ugh, I’m just tired I guess. Today hasn’t been the greatest and I really just wanna curl up in my bed. But I digress, I agreed to babysit and now I have to follow through. Only a little while left anyway right?

How do you keep your patience from running low? In any situation. I can take all the advice I can get.

Sometimes I don’t always say what I should or need to say. Not because I can’t but because it won’t be taken the right way or misunderstood. I think others feel this way too. It’s nothing wrong with censoring yourself sometimes, but often times we do it out of habit. I’m used to being the quiet girl and I even embodied that persona for a long time. Then people get to know who you really are and seem surprised that you have the nerve or audacity to say “Fuck off”! It’s not my job to make you understand or get everything that comes out of my mouth. You have a brain use it. If I’m being blunt then there is nothing to “try and get”. If I’m trying to share something with you and you don’t get it…that’s not necessarily my problem. I can explain it to you again but still if you don’t get me; what else can I do. Not everything out of any ones mouth is plain and simple. Especially in times of stress, depression, drama, or whatever life throws at us. Life is just funny that way sometimes. We’re all guilty of taking what someone says and misinterpreted it. It happens but it is not the speaker fault all the time. We have ask ourselves it can’t be them all the time…maybe it is me. I am going to start speaking my mind more and you’ll just have to take away what you can from it. If it needs more clarity I can give it. But if you understand it differently then it’s not my fault.

Creative+Angry= My phone case

I was mad so I took my anger out on the phone case…it came out good