Wow it’s been a year since I made a post here. Wow time flies doesn’t it? 2013 has been a rough year for me and my craft. I haven’t written anything…and I mean ANYTHING. I may have scribbled a few incomplete thoughts here and there, but nothing to throw a party about. Then finally a few days ago it happened. I stopped thinking and let my heart go. The words flew from my pen and several poems (complete poems) were born. I haven’t been this happy in along time. I thought I had lost it all. But I found it; up on the shelf where I had placed it, along with my self-confidence, passion, and love. So here it is the year closing out just as quickly as it was brought in. I’m back! Slowly but surely I’ll be back to my old ways(writing more often)  but with my new found self.
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Diminshing Passion

Posted: December 22, 2012 in Life and Stuff, Spilled Ink

ideasAs of late I haven’t been writing much. A few poems here and there compared to the dozens I’d do. Time seems to drag when I pick up the pen to do simple journal entries and those are becoming sparse. A blog binge every couple of weeks. I love to write, to create, but I can’t help but noticing the lack of drive. What has caused this is probably stress and life over the last 6 months.

I used to be able to write poem after poem; on any day of the week. I could pump out a short story in a matter of days. I was journaling consecutively. I was really doing my thing with the pen and pad. Also being my own worst critic and still managing to like a majority of my stuff. I had really hit my niche. Then I moved out of the comfort of my mother’s home and into the world. I left the nest and was bursting with emotions. The best way to catch them all and deal with them would usually been writing. Yet I really couldn’t say all I wanted to say in poetry. So I started blogging more; including this one. that was helping. Then life happened and I had to learn some patience while dealing with the staff here. Dealing with them took away from my writing time. Plus I wasn’t used to being alone so much, I wouldn’t stay home. Really being on the move killed the little writing spirit in me. Come on I was hardly sitting down to think; let alone try and put something on paper.

And that has pretty much continued until right now. My passion had/has left me temporarily but I’m sure it will return. My love for reading has come back and I spend plenty of my free time; with my nose buried between the pages of some book. I worked a lot this year and really didn’t start to enjoy it until the end. I figure that’s why I’ve put somethings on hold. That and much needed growing I did. So I’m no longer worried about my passion. It’s still there simmering under the surface. Simply waiting on the chance to escape and show the world what it’s been missing. I’ll just do what I can while I can and enjoy those little victories for now; a poem, story outline, or article idea.

Not the End of the World ..Yet.*

Posted: December 21, 2012 in Uncategorized

Inner Angels & Enemies

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One day He will return, One day we will witness the end of this world as we know it and a ‘New World’ will be brought into reality…

“However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows.” Matthew 24:36

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I just love this photo…breath taking

Fragments

Snow in Paris, 2009. Photo Ian Spencer Langsdon, EPA

The base of the Eiffel Tower is still visible through the snowfall as a couple walk in heavy snowfall in Paris, France, 17 December 2009.

Photograph Ian Spencer Langsdon for European Pressphoto Agency (EPA).

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I just love this photo…breath taking

Fragments

Snow in Paris, 2009. Photo Ian Spencer Langsdon, EPA

The base of the Eiffel Tower is still visible through the snowfall as a couple walk in heavy snowfall in Paris, France, 17 December 2009.

Photograph Ian Spencer Langsdon for European Pressphoto Agency (EPA).

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I’m usually not the emotional type…when it comes to national strategies. I can usually detach myself and see from a different point of view. Then there’s tragic events like today. I love kids and it always hurts me when they get hurt. I have pick up a crying baby and comfort upset toddlers. I can’t even begin to fathom how I would’ve reacted. 

I just don’t know how you could kill a kid. I don’t understand why you’d ever have the idea going through your head. You have to be insane…right? I know things can get overwhelming, but you should never take it out on the little ones. My heart hurts and is heavy with grief. I pray for the families and the victims. I know it’s a special place in heaven for those children. I can’t and won’t try to imagine what the’re going through. All I can say is God knows better than we do and all things work for the good of the kingdom. 

If you have a kids or are close to a child please go love them. Hug them and kiss them;tell them how much they mean to you. You never know when or if you’ll see them again even in the safest places. 

 

So here I sit staring success in the face. I mean literally staring at it, all I gotta do is put the words on paper. Here’s my dilemma, I can’t get to the words. I can’t seem to put a decent sentence together. The subject seemingly simple. The focus pretty easy. Yet my overly complicated behind freezes every time I look at the page. Oh, and when I do manage to get something down that sounds coherent…something happens. Today’s excuse (and I shouldn’t even have one) I’m too damn depressed to function. Just as things start to get better in one area of life;something else falls apart or needs my undivided attention. Like I’m writing here, but my article which I’ve been staring at for hours…nothing. But when I close up, shut down, and leave it alone; all these ideas, words, phrases and what not spring up. Myself plus this mental illness equals disaster for any career I choose to take up. This scares me because I’ll be starting school in the spring. I can’t afford another failed attempt at school. No I can not do it. My med were working fine and my over all health was decent. Nothing to trouble some, but low and behold my body is falling apart from the inside out. Then I decide it’s time be coo-coo. Jesus please help me!!!!! I really don’t want to fail. I’m actually doing as I’m told. Doing the right things for the most part. I’ve literally stopped living my old life and picked up this new boring one; just so I can focus on my health and school.

I’ve never wanted something so bad in my life as I want this right now. A chance to write for a legit magazine. A chance to go to school and actually finish. Why must everything fall apart now. Maybe I’m tripping and this is a test, but as low as I’m feeling right now…I already failed. I’m trying to give myself some credit and I’m sure this article will get done tonight (even if I have to stay up all night), but I need just a little encouragement. Not much just a pat on the back, a simple whisper in the ear “you’re close”, something. But what do I know other than this looks terrible?